Jōb Nikki

“Intuition”

What will you say when we are done

I was crazy

I was violent

I was dramatic

I was turbulence

I was …

All you ever wanted

I was the eye in the storm

I was the only one

Who could understand

Your demons

An enemy in disguise

An obstacle to overcome

A vice to let go of

I can imagine

All the ways you’ll say

I was wrong

I can understand

All the ways I let you down

I can see

How I wasn’t enough

I was all you had to overcome

You want me to vanish

You want me to leave in peace

You desire me

With no apologies

That fell silent

I couldn’t stand up in the deep current

I couldn’t rise above the thick of it

I couldn’t be your peace in the tempest

You couldn’t handle all of my shit

No one hates me more than me

No one regrets me more than me

No one wants me to disappear more than me

You took my pain personally

You mistook my concern for violence

Maybe that was me

Maybe I was broken

Maybe we just couldn’t be

Maybe I was meant to be forgotten

I want to bury myself in this guilt

I want to disappear into the distance

I want to be your peace

I want to be the resistance

I never meant to let you down

I guess all I ever was

Was a clown