Jōb Nikki

“Hope”

First REAL man

I ever met

Worse

Than the rest

Dangling hope

Like forbidden fruit

Ripping it away

When I called you out

Pointing at my instability

Using secrets I told

During intimate chats

To convince everyone

It was me all along

You convinced me to rest

As you slipped scorpions

Under the covers

You wouldn’t face

The bruises you stamped

Into my flesh

So you called my father

The first man

To ever let me down

Let me know

I was worthless

Unwanted

And a nuisance

I climbed mountains to

Make all of you proud

But those flags have all

Fallen down

You point at my failures

To cover your weakness

For drugs and insecurities

I couldn’t handle the weight

You said you’d help me carry

Don’t worry darling

I’ll be your strength

Until you couldn’t face your own reflection

Too long

Without reprieve

You hated me for feeling

You wanted me to watch you

Dance with strangers

Who meant more to you

Than our peace

You declared war on our haven

Because I wouldn’t take responsibility

For all of your transgressions

Hope is just a word

Like god and the devil

Used to manipulate

And control

Did you think I wouldn’t leave

Because you were pulling all the strings

I wouldn’t take your hate

And misplaced blame

So you set fire

To all of my belongings

I tried my best

I guess all we are left with

Is hope