I meant it
When I said
I still love you
But you expect me to ignore
All the hatred you spewed
All of the accountability you left at my door
Confused is a comma
I keep pausing for
As you vacation
And I beg
You celebrate
And I mourn
You want me to get better
From the punches you threw
I can’t keep apologizing
When you take away my trust
When you leave me in the mess
When you scream at me
You don’t want me to know where you are
But I’m the bad one
I’m the problem
I’m not the one who lied
Who was angry
Who ignored my intuition
Nobody likes someone who sounds the alarm
I wish I could drop it
I wish I could let you make me into
A plastic doll
You’d adore
But I can’t keep being punished
For being shoved down onto the floor
I know you can be better
I pause again
I hope you can be better
A feeling that feels paper thin
Jōb Nikki 
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