Some of us don’t get to escape
Using liquor or booze
Since we already have kindling
Waiting to ignite
They’ll say we are bad
Why can’t we resist
But if you love someone
You’d pour yours out too
Admit you only throw unbridled punches
When you’re too far gone
Telling my alcoholic father I’m a drunk
Both shaking your hypocritical heads
When you were handing me top shelf drinks
We’ve stopped before
But you always unplug that dam
We’ve been thrown through too many glass doors
And our hurt could put out every atom of the sun
Who bought the patron hidden under the bed
You try to brush it off
By putting me in a box
Join the liquor endorsed billboards
Saying “drink responsibly”
As they send the “unstable” off to rehab
As a magic factory reset
Making civil citizens
Out of those who
“Can’t handle having fun”
Ignoring the fact that poison is poison
Whether taken in a closet
Or broad daylight
But most people can’t afford a seaside retreat
With meditation and Pilates
Instead most rehabs
Are shelters for the unhoused
People sadly sewn to a conveyor belt
A repetition of addiction and no more handouts
Overflowing with fentanyl and gang members
So you say I hate the rich
And love excuses
While you sip your Long Island iced tea
But sometimes the path looks different
And it’s better to be alone
On an empty country road
While friends and lovers
Who sent us there
Keep indulging
On Mai Thais by the sea
Shaking their finger at us
Saying “come back when your sober
You can stay home while I get snockered
Why can’t you just resist
‘Cause I don’t have problems
You caused me to harm you
The bruises I gave you were deserved”
Do you see the man you would have hated
Do you recognize your own voice
I’m stepping forward
Into the afterglow
But sobriety isn’t isolation
It’s surrounding yourself with light
How do you expect me
“To go and get better”
Then return to your grog-filled tavern
Like I never wanted to soften that edge
Put silence to the hurt inside
Love wouldn’t forsake me
After beating me
Leaving me on a steep decline
Telling me our vices
Are only mine
After all
We were the blind leading the blind
Ironically it took getting sober to see
You were my biggest stumbling block
How I wish I could set you free
But you just want to blame me
Pointing angry fingers at me
I’ll keep walking toward the light
May heaven or hell
Whichever it may be
Finally let me in
I need a place to stay tonight
Jōb Nikki 
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