Each day is a blessing
Lying to myself
Hoping I can become
The softness
I so desperately crave
Letting go
Of people
I can’t control
What they say
How many bodies they touch
How many models they watch
I can only inhale the smoke
From the fires they started
And blamed on me
At least I stopped blaming myself
Because that was too easy
They wanted me this way
All of them
Circling at my unlikely success
My overachieving
Always reaching up
Then they hated my sadness
When it all got taken away
How I’d love to give up
But God didn’t make me that way
I fight from underneath the rubble
I climb my way out
Look at how many scars
I have across my weathered face
A soldier returning
No welcome at the shore
You think I don’t know
What it’s like to go to war
So many lost
So many I couldn’t save
How many times
Will I let men beat me
Until I understand
They don’t like me this way
But I’m not one to sit silent and pretty
I know too much
Refusing to let perverts trace the tattoos
Across my shoulder blades
I know why they return
What’s good and honest isn’t sexy
But it festers in their blackened souls
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I still wanted him back
The way we were in September
Before the world turned everything black
I’d take some of the blame
If he could face what he did
But boys can’t grow up
They’re busy chasing pixies
Sprinkling baking soda
Over their leathery skin
Saying “I never wanted you
You were lucky I let you stay”
So I sit at my window
Next to Wendy Darling
We cross-stitch to cover up the pain
Jōb Nikki 
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