“Mourning”
Another morning of mourning
I anonymously place it here
My safe space
Where no one can judge me
No one can shame me
Because a black eye
Is not something he has to face
When I’m traveling home alone
My sadness about wrongs committed
Can no longer be mocked
Or overlooked
I can scream them into a void
As I sarcastically laugh
Remembering him saying
“I always leave the women in my life
Better off”
As he bitterly fights to not give his ex wife
He used to raise his children
A goddam thing
As he holds the remnants of my life for ransom
And violent stomps out every promise
He ever made
He’d never use his power as a weapon
But now he finds comfort
From whores
How can he survive without validation
Don’t shame them
Their just trying to get by
But it is only his needs that are being met
Protected by a brotherhood of secrets
Since I’m such a good person
And they’d never leave me like this
Until they did
Because how can he travel without guilt
Knowing he became the monster
He said he never could
It couldn’t be his false promises
That made me this way
I can admit I was not without a flaw
But he punished me enough
And I won’t be begging for forgiveness
For the reactions he forced
The words he sent scroll across my brain
Sometimes wondering if it’s true
Knowing it was his own shame
The one with enemies
Related by blood
Is the one he can finally leave beaten in the street
As the Japanese whisper about my shame
“If you give men what they want they won’t hurt you”
Is a lie still being sold to women of every age
And our desire to be wanted
On an intimate level
Allows them to put us in this cage
I have nothing of worldly value
So I’m discarded
Disregarded
But my words hold my power
A strength I’ve felt since I was young
Writing poetry in cursive
In journals now hidden in his storage
He keeps in only his name
Jōb Nikki 
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