Jōb Nikki

“Understood”

I’ve never understood people
The way they melt together and break apart
I’ve never been able to hang on to people
Always being left out

I love ferociously
Always with forever in mind
But forever always seems to end abruptly
And it’s tearing me apart

My family is a loose ball of yarn
That was never meant to be woven together
They messed up the chain
And cut the part with me in it
Out

I sat at dinner tables
Trying to be good enough
To be a part of families
To whom I never really belonged
I watched as they fought but stayed loyal
Wondering how I could become a part of that bond

But I always ended up flat on my back
As they told me to leave
Knocking the wind from my chest
Telling me I was too much
Or not enough
I’d pick up my things
Call home
Hoping this time someone would pick up
Be told I was pathetic and to grow up

So I’d find another family to hold on to
Until the cycle ran its course
I’m worthless and unloveable
I’m told yet again
Understood
I’ll continue on
Let the next cycle run its course