Jōb Nikki

“A Conspiracy of Demons”

I made the mistake

Of letting you in

Believing your grandiose promises

How could I again

A hopeless romantic

With a need to be pedantic 

After being nailed to the squeaky seat

Of an old welded desk chair

In a glossy church basement

Oh hello

I remember your stare

Slapping me with a ruler

Telling me nothing but evil

Could be found

In my innocent nine year old eyes

As my mother screamed at me for empathy

And my father went to the garage with his beer

I thought my children’s father was the worst

For all of the violence

You only beat me up once

It was your tactics

The subtle manipulations

As you gossiped with my stepmother 

The one who convinced my father

To act like I was dead

When I was only eighteen

At first I thought this was unfathomable

But then I remembered the gut wrenching pain

I felt as crumpled up little girl

Left to dust the dirty kitchen floor with her nightgown

As my capable mother

Faked paralysis

My brother was a weapon 

Kept out with alarms

And you knew all of this

You savior

You important navy man

Trying to stand so tall

As you bring the last pieces of me down

When you’re the one that placed them on a pedestal 

Is this how you seek vengeance on your ex wives

Who barely escaped alive

The ones who “cheated” on you

And “used” you

I see it in your daughter’s eyes

“This could get a lot worse for you”

Is that really what your hairy mouth said

Oh honey, you forgot

I’m already dead

It’s time to go

But thank you for reminding me 

Your shoes are machine washable 

When I apologized for the blood I spilled

I’ll never forget the disappointment you were

As a father

As a lover

As a hero

As a man