“Spiral”
I don’t know how to get out of this hole
I don’t know how to stop this spiral
I don’t know how to make my mind focus
Instead of spreading itself across the vastness
Of space and time
Instead of trying to dissect every moment from the past two decades
Instead of filling up with sorrow and hopelessness
I don’t know how to achieve like I used to
I don’t know how to stop my hands from shaking
My chest from aching
My neck from straining
I feel myself aging one hundred and ten years
As I try to shorten expectancy one cigarette puff at a time
My only vice
My only comfort
Since arms are busy with other paid for bodies
And hearts are closed to someone so desperate
There has to be a ladder here somewhere
Wolfenstein
Mazes of stoned up walls
No first aide kit
Damn
Another dead end
Call me crazy
I don’t see how a label helps
What do we do with me
An unsolvable problem
A discardable human
A lost cause
Who had the world in her tiny hands
But let it turn to dust
Because pressure was mounting
And diamonds only form in Rihanna songs
I was something
Is that all it was
A moment of significance
Followed by a lifetime of catching up
Is there help for the lost
Is there healing for the broken
Is there forgiveness for the mothers
Who became numb out of survival
Is there love for the unwanted daughters
Passed around like confetti no one ever wanted
I sit as all of this swirls
I stare as my mind spirals
I cry dry tears as the reservoir has dried up
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