Jōb Nikki

“Nightmares”

I can’t stop drowning in my whirlpool of thoughts

As they drip into my dreams

Tainting the streams

Turning everything crimson

As there are allusions of a rescue

But it always ends up in horror

And you can’t beg someone to care

Who doesn’t 

It just makes them like you less

I’m trembling in a corner

Begging to be loved

Even just enough to help me survive

But no one wants unwanted daughters 

They drill that into our heads

When we’re only five 

With chipping nail polish

On our tiny hands they stepped on

After tripping us down the old church stairs

And no one said a word

Because sometimes some people’s children 

Are barely alive

So now people I once called friends

Tell me

I’m not the most important person in the room

I should stop trying to consume

I know no one

Can understand what it’s been like 

In someone else’s shoes

But mine were stolen from my feet 

And used to beat me until the soles were worn through

As my breathing is unsteady

And my hands shake

And my heart kicks at my ribs

I try to go back to sleep

And dream of my babies

And hope I’m not haunted by loving eyes

Now filled with nothing but hate

And bitter old women clawing at my skin

And naive judges turning me into ashes

So I hold my own hand

Chanting lullabies

Hoping this time 

Another nightmare isn’t the reason I wake